Supporting you to create meaningful, lasting change

You are both a magical infinite being and a limited human who is perfectly imperfect.

Sometimes life smacks us in the face, grinds us down, and feels too much.

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We suffer. We isolate. We despair.

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Perhaps this is a universal part of the human experience.

…….And also, there is so much more.

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So often when life gets tough and painful, whether a crisis or relentless turning of painful screws, we defend against life.

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We hide. We fight. We run

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We do not want to accept what life is giving us or showing us. We want things to be different than they are. We want to skip to the next chapter where the story gets more fun, more interesting, more abundant, more peaceful, where we like who we are and how we show up.

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This is so human AND so self defeating.

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‘The curious paradox of change is that when I accept myself

exactly as I am then I can change.’    Carl Rogers

 

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We have to face things as they are before we can create change for ourselves.

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‘You cannot leave a place before you arrive.’

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I will help you to uncover how things are for you. You will gain clarity on what is happening within your relationships, how you feel about things, what you believe about things.

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As your self awareness grows, you will be able to make choices, grounded in self knowledge

rather than running on autopilot. You will act in ways that feel in alignment with who you are and what you want rather than on old patterns of survival.

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We will work together as intrepid explorers, where the new territory is you. This might be your first expedition, or maybe not, but you can rest assured that I have a map and that I have returned from many successful personal adventures with a lightness of step, more freedom and more spontaneity.

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You are in charge of where you want to go and I am here with the confidence born of experience, that you can get there. When you get scared or doubtful, confused or defeated, I am holding your courage, self belief, clarity and love.

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Up work and down work

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Human beings are capable of deep dark places, parts of ourselves that repel us, feelings that scare us or repulse us, thoughts that are ugly or attacking.

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We are also capable of joy, love, optimism. In fact this is our true nature, I believe. And yet this is often obscured by life events, treatment of others, beliefs and feelings that contradict it.

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Sometimes we need reminding of the joy and love that is our birthright. Sometimes we need to face the darkness so that we can shine the light on it and let it go.

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We need both. We must not get stuck in the dark murky feelings overwhelming ourselves and we must not retreat to happier things refusing to look in the dark. Like spraying air freshener in a bedroom without first removing the stinky shoes under the bed, it doesn’t work. The smell always comes back if we do not get rid of the cause.

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You have a mind. You have a body. And you are way more than that.

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Our mind can often feel as if it has a life of it’s own. Galloping ahead, thinking of all the worst

case scenarios. Judging everything and everyone, including you. Arguing the toss about

everything making you indecisive or procrastinating. It keeps you awake with all its activity. The overall effect being to weaken you.

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In fact when you realise that you are not your mind and that actually your mind is a useful skilled servant able to help you very effectively at times but generally be at rest, it can be incredibly empowering and liberating.

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Our body is the apparatus through which we experience the world. It is our body that registers the sensations that we interpret as feelings. It often does not feel like this though. WE often either feel as if we ARE our feelings or alternatively, we escape the intensity, we disconnect from our body and barely feel at all. When you realise that you are not your body, that you are experiencing life through your body, you can increase your capacity to hold more feeling in your body, allowing the feelings to come and go. When you can be present and attentive to your feelings, you can experience more peace and more personal power. You are in charge of your life, not your feelings or your avoidance of them.

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Integration

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There are parts of us that we find distasteful and hard to accept, maybe repulsive even. There are parts of us that we have forgotten about because they never got noticed, there are needs we still unconsciously try to get others to meet because they never got met, there are sore points in us that mean we take certain things ever so personally, there are beliefs we have that about ourselves or the world that we are unaware of. When we bring these aspects of ourselves into consciousness and take care of them, we find our way back to wholeness. WE live with more ease, more authenticity, more personal power. I will help you to love these parts of yourself.

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Safety

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‘Safety IS the treatment’ Porges When we perceive a sense of safety, our para sympathetic nervous system comes on line and we are in a state of rest and digest. Our focus and energy, no longer diverted into survival strategies, can focus on creativity, repair and ultimately thriving.

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Our bodies, for a myriad of reasons, can get ‘stuck’ in survival mode, which creates a feeling of anxiety in the body, a busy mind and a reduction in our capacity to create change.

It is my desire for you to live with more ease and peace, fully able to enjoy life and access the full spectrum of who you are as a person.

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There are many ways that we perceive threat and safety, and in my work with you, we will pay attention to safety. Through the relationship we create together, the tools I share with you, and ……the exploration of your inner terrain, we will build the resource of safety. A natural consequence of this is an increase in resilience and a willingness to challenge and be challenged, to risk, knowing that you will be ok.

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Wherever you are, its absolutely perfect

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We often want to be somewhere other than where we are:

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- in a job we can’t stand,

- in a relationship filled with conflict,

- in a loss we cannot accept,

- behaving in ways that we don’t like, trust or respect.

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It is my belief that everything that happens to us, everything that we encounter or create, every way that we behave, is perfect for us right now. Even if we want all of it to be different.

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When we can begin to accept life as it actually is rather than as we want ti to be, we can move through life, make changes, learn lessons that grow us into a bigger, more integrated version of ourselves. We can surf the waves of life, knowing that even if we get smashed down by a wave, we will get back on the board with a renewed sense of how to stay afloat.

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Of course, this is a process which ironically sometimes needs us to accept just how much we

don’t want the reality that we have!